And So It Begins

Well, another year has come and another year fades into the archives of history. The year 2009 proved to be one of blessings and one of trials. The greatest blessing was my marriage to my beautiful wife. She is awesome and I am so undeserving of her love and devotion. It amazes me how I am slowly beginning to be unable to function properly without her around. I guess the whole two becoming one flesh thing is real after all.

This year has been one of the hardest years emotionally for me. I wish I could say that I spent the year fully devoted to Christ in everything, but that would be a lie. There was much sin, failure, compromise, fear, doubt, guilt, shame, hardness of heart, and other wicked and sinful actions and thoughts. I spent a great deal of the year afraid of what the future may or may not hold. Instead of trusting the Lord with my life and for the necessities that one needs to survive, I instead turned to my own self and depended upon me to provide all that I need to survive. I basically said I will be the one who provides for my daily bread. While this may have seemed to work, I was miserable inside; I was cold, hard, and distant from Jesus. But the end of the year brought revival to my once jaded and wounded heart. Whereas the cares and concerns of this world had driven me away from the Shepherd of my soul, nevertheless the Good Shepherd came and found me wandering in the cold and bitter wilderness to which I had fled. Times of sweet repentance soon were granted a rebellious sinner, and like Lazarus I found myself coming to life once again.

Now I know that the cares of the world are still pressing down upon me. But I was again reminded that if I seek first the Kingdom of Christ, all that I need will most certainly be provided. Temptation to fear and despair will still want to claim my affections and drag me back into the wilderness, but I pray that I will not turn my eyes from the Great Redeemer of my soul. Lord, I cast my cares upon you because you do in fact care for and love a sinner like me.

So this year my resolution is to not let the waves of fear, worry, doubt, and despair carry me away from the great anchor of my soul Jesus Christ. To him be all power, glory, dominion, and praise forevermore. Amen!

3 thoughts on “And So It Begins

  1. Clifford,
    Thanks for sharing. I know the utter disappointment and emptiness that comes from trying to navigate the ups and downs of fear, worry, doubt and despair all alone. I’m glad that you experienced revival towards the end of the year. That’s a good place to start out the new year. When you feel drawn back towards that “wildnerness” in 2010, remember to cling to Jesus. Wishing you many blessings in 2010! 😉

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